The Agony of Not Knowing
I guess I haven’t been here for a while (yet again), and I know that I have missed writing something here, but there has been so many things going through my head right now that I haven’t found it easy to focus on one particular thing. Even writing this post is a bit of a struggle, a struggle between the priorities in my life and what I should talk about. Do you have that problem?
I think that most of what is going through my head sort of interrelates. I’m reading some pretty heavy books at the moment which I feel are important to get through, and work through in my head/life, so that I am facing the next steps in my life with my priorities and reasons figured out. I’m still tossing up going back to university to study another degree and change my vocational direction, but there are a large number of positives and negatives with this option – including large risk.
Added to that, I’m not 100% sure whether I want to change careers for the right reasons. I’ve definitely got good reasons, but are they good enough? Who will ever know really? I’m still trying to figure these things out, and I know the answer won’t come to me easily after all many of the choices we make in life have to be made ‘in the agony of not knowing’ (Scott Peck). I know this to be true in this case!
Feeling lost
I typed ‘feeling lost’ into Google search and it came back with 232 million results – just a few. In a quick glance of the first page, I see “Feeling lost? Get more sleep!”. I think that is great advance and definitely something I need more of at the moment, but I’m not quite sure it will help me with my ‘feeling lost’ issue.
To put it all simply (and broadly), I’m feeling the complexities of life. I don’t know about you but two years ago, life seemed to be a lot simpler, but now I feel like I am thinking too much. Don’t get me wrong I think it is fantastic to be thinking so much, because it is through such thinking that I am learning. Maybe it is that I am finally learning responsibility in work, in finance, in home and in my relationships – ultimately, I’m learning responsibility for myself. It seems to me that this is all attributing to my ‘lost’ feeling.
I’ll have to sleep on it and see what else I can determine from this feeling?
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